I told my mother that I wanted to leave. I said, “I want to leave every thing and disappear to a far away land. My patience is fading. I’m very fed up with everything .” My mother, slowly got up and strode out of my room, while muttering something under her breath. She thought my ears could not catch what she said. I know what she said.
I don’t usually spell my apprehensions aloud infront of my parents. It only makes the situation more worse, with toxic arguments and tensed emotions. Most of the times, it’s better to keep things to myself. I recognized this very early in my life.
What I said to my mother today is something my mother is not allowed to say. She is bound, she is confined, she carries a moral burden to stick around, to stay. I could say it aloud because I have the privilege to. I have the privilege to open the door and leave. I have the privilege to disown, or declare myself as detached or dead. I have the privilege to reject my roots, move away and become something else.
But, very soon, my privilege will come to an end. My mother and I will be equal. I will become all that my mother is. I wonder if I will still be able to pronounce loudly that I want to leave.