A conversation with a therapist | Day-14 | NaPoWriMo2016

“Sometimes I go to people, but don’t talk much. I pause for a thought now and then or remain silent for too long.”

“And what do they say?”

“They grow impatient and leave before I complete my sentences.”

“What do you do after that?”

“I open my old personal diaries, the ones I wrote when I was 13, 14, 15. They are full of references to people. My teachers, parents, relatives, neighbours and classmates. I have always been disappointed with people. It’s my old bad habit to write only when I’m upset. Only people upset me then and even now. I have no idea what to do with those pages. There are hardly any memories in them. They are like a list of complaints. They reek of resentment, disappointment and hate. I reread them to remind myself of rejections, judgements and embarrassments. The only people who did not hurt were my dad’s friends and colleagues. They were the only ones who glorified my every little achievement. I haven’t mentioned them anywhere. I never took or cherished compliments. I never believed anyone who told me that I was good at something.”

“You were too hard on yourself.”

“Was it wrong to be that way?”

“No, but may be you took people for granted and may be they had the right to ignore you.”

“Fair enough.”

“So, what are you going to do with those diaries?”

“I’ll keep them. They are my lessons about people. Who would tell me what will happen if I expect too much from anyone? I should keep going back to those pages.”

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